Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How I Dealt With The Girl I Did Not Want To See Any More

I have had my fair share of nasty break-ups.
Years ago, before I got tied up for good with the lady who later became my wife, there was this girl I really liked.
Spirited and pretty she was also incredibly loud and insanely possessive.
She was the type that considered herself your wife even though you have never talked about marriage. A time came that she was always talking of taking the relationship to a level more than I was prepared for. I don't like being pushed. Her blaze of emotional volatility and cavalier attitude towards other people were highly upsetting.
One day after I had pretty much made up my mind that it was better we parted, she came over to my place as usual for the night. In the morning, before she left, I slipped the letter of termination of the relationship into her handbag without saying a word about it.
A benign ditching!
Needless to say she did not talk to me ever again after that.
It was not the most humane way to break up, but, gosh, it worked like a bomb!
Up to today, I sometimes wonder whenever I remember what happened with her.
Anywho, I hope that wherever she is, she is happy and living her dreams.
She deserves a nice life. I think.


Adaeze said...

hmmm that was a bit mean Posekyere!
How come? You did not want to deal with her because of her reaction or..?

posekyere said...

Yes, Adaeze.
Frankly speaking I gave her a bum deal. I agree it was pretty mean.
At the time, I was fed up and did not want the messy scenes.
Besides there was no way I was going to change my mind so why not an approach that was sure to get the job done with once and for all.

As I said I wished I had done it in a more humane way.

Denise said...

Posekyere! Thought you had more spine than that. A letter in her handbag? Clearly she is not as volatile as you thought as there would have clearly been more to the story. Argh! Men!

Adaeze said...

I get you. We all do mistakes and deserve forgiveness. What's done can not be changed.

posekyere said...

Ouch Denise!
I really think she was expecting it since the relationship was already in survival mode.
What got me wanting out was the realisation that I was not ready for the long haul with her. My heart was no longer there.
The fact that I never heard from her again to me is a sign that she understood the points I raised in the letter. Of course I got to know that she was mad like hell, but one gets over such things eventually.
I am not proud of myself of how I handled the matter, but at the time I just wanted us to part without any of the usual emotions.
Am I happy I did it that way?
Not really. But I think it was for the good of us each moving on instead of clinging to something that had no hope of survival.

posekyere said...

Thanks Adaeze.
That, I believe, is the attitude required to move on.
No need to cry over spilled milk for what has been done cannot be undone.

Nana Yaw Asiedu said...

Enough's been said already (I came late). In war, and chess and love, the best approach, generally speaking has to be the face-to-face. But the end has justified your means, no?

posekyere said...

Yes NY.
Like every one here, you are a better person than me in the matters of relationship.
I certainly recognise the fact that an open-faced one-on-one chat is the best way to deal with such issues. That is the mature way to deal with such matters.
To every rule though, there is an exeption. No?

Esi W. Cleland said...

oh i like the letter idea. I might just use it the next time i need to break up. i wish it were that easy to break up. I usually have messy breakups with tears, and lots and lots of heartache :(

Btw i like ur writing style and the word spirited:)

posekyere said...

Thanks a million Esi.
I believe that once you've decided to move on, you have got to do so with a killer instinct.
Aaaawwwhh Esi. I suppose we all have different ways of dealing with breakups. I want mine without emotions. Short, quick and surgical!
Thanks again.

Nana Kofi Acquah said...

Posekyere, I learnt very early in life that the less evidence you leave the better. What if she still has that letter and waiting for the day you launch your political campaign. She will just get a number of fury-infested feminists to rain on your parade. And you know the media loves such stories.

Hahaha, all i'm simply saying is, always remember letters and emails are for wimps. If you can't face her, use the phone :)

But then what's the use of all these advices. This incident happened long ago. No?

posekyere said...

Thanks NKA!
Geez!Your angle is very interesting.
You never know where that letter may be hiding. I really hope it is not laying in a truck somewhere!
Yes indeed the episode happened some years back.
Ouch.I guess I was a wimp big time then.
Is anybody reading this? Hopefully you will keep to this sensible advice. DO NOT LEAVE ANY EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER: no emails, no SMSes, no phone calls. Do no such thing.
Rather unlike me do it right:straight, short and simple in her face say "I am done with you. Bye" Hahaha.

novisi said...

i never want to come to this!
not that i'm scared but i just can't bring myself to face this reality!

but i'd cross the river when i get to it and maybe i'd adopt your style. i guess the situation would tell.

and yeah, i'm glad you still wish her well.


posekyere said...

Yes, Nov!
You are the man. The one that keep all of them forever.Hahaha!
Seriously though when the time to part comes you may return to these comments and help yourself to the good recommndations here. Anytime Nov, anytime.