Tigersterone

In an attempt to explain the sordid exploits swelling around
the Tiger,one of the guys in the office blamed it on biology.
According to him high achievers and alpha males are loaded
with incredibly high levels of testosterone.
And this very same hormone dishing out the competitive advantage
is responsible for his inability to keep the cudgel in the pants.
Therefore we all must give the Tiger, the W'oo'unded one, the break.
He's just being driven bonkers by the tiger inside, you know.

Game Of Chance?

Forget about serendipity. There is more to this than meet the eyes.
What is the probability of running into the same lady, a casual acquaintance, in three different places in three days?
Whilst you are mulling over that, the first thing I noticed on each of the 'random' encounters is the lecherous stir in her eyes. The third encounter did set alarm bells in the mind.
What did I do on the third occasion? I faked a smile and move on with my business, ignoring her. But deep within I felt there was something sinister going on.
Am I being paranoid?

By Luck Or Design Long Life Is In Her Degrees

Dude listen. And listen real well.
Research conducted by the Swedish Institute for Social Research in Stockholm point to the fact that an educated wife is the best thing any man can wish for. Lol.
The gist of this clever research is this simple: If you want to enjoy a long happy life, marry a highly educated woman. In other words go for the ones with the highest academic titles: the doctorates as in PhDs, DScs, LLDs etc. I suggest you keep a printed copy of this research for your own good. As you are aware, the sisters with strings of letters after their names will, as expected, question your audacity for even trying to ask them out. All you would have to do henceforth is shut up and hand her a copy of the research findings.
If you are unable to land any of those with the highest academic letters, at least take an aim at those with MAs, MScs,MPhils,LLMs,MEngs. Do you copy?

The second inference from the research is that you have a reasonable scientific excuse or even responsibility to ditch your current one with only a BA, BSc, BCom as soon as you land that beautiful professor.
If your current does not have anything higher than a HND, I suggest you cease talking to her altogether. You will be dead before you could say 'honey'. Unless of course you want to be placed on the endangered species list. Do you still copy?
Men in African societies, especially those of us with academic insufficiency( ie without a PhD), are socially primed to tie the knot only with women with a string of degrees or qualifications inferior to ours. This patriarchal dispensation has ensured that many of the sisters who have obtained higher degrees are ostracised and punished for being book long.
Now the floodgates have finally been opened. So hunters go for the big fish. Yeeeeeehaaaaaa!
Not only must we encourage our wives, mothers, sisters and daughters to go for the highest degrees available, we must also push them to upgrade their academic arsenals as often as is possible. Otherwise no sane man will hang around them any longer. Get that?

As for me, I am going to literally drag my sweetheart to go for that degree she has been dreaming of all this while. My reasons for opposing that pursuit are no longer valid.
After all 100 years is my minimum expectation henceforth.

When The Devil Takes Early Morning Traffic

Driving to work today was an absolute nightmare.
It was extremely awful.
First was this lunatic driving a silver Toyota 4x4 Hilux who failed to stop at the 4-way stop, in the process almost causing an accident and then he had the cheek to shout like a maniac at me for pointing out his fault.
Knowing the high degree of road rage incidents in which many souls have lost their lives in South Africa, I kept my cool.
A couple of hundreds of metres later, I was in a roundabout and this white Merc just cut in front of me. I had to apply emergency measures to avoid bumping into the side.
As if that was not enough, he then proceeded to drive at a snail’s pace only to stop abruptly on the single-lane road for no obvious reason. A couple of hoots from other disgruntled drivers later, he casually put his hazards on and angrily waved everybody on.
However because there was traffic from the opposite direction, nobody could proceed.
Folks begun to hoot aggressively.
The devil then jumped out of his car, emitting loads of expletives, daring for a fight.

He was housed in the body of a bouncer, a mean-looking beast high on toxic energy and obviously in search of a prey.

Like me, everybody kept quiet, choosing to stay away from the wrath of the bully.
So he swaggered back into his car. His posture telling a pretentious story of someone who wanted all to believe that he had single-handedly won world war III.
His sadistic satisfaction directed at our expense.
Thank God nobody got hurt.
But the worst torturer today was the driver of black city golf.
As if he was crying for attention, he had put the bone-shaking ghetto blasters on full blast playing Mandoza’s ‘Nkalakatha’ with all his windows opened at around 7 am. Lol.
The sadistic grin behind those sun glasses was his way of showing us the middle finger.
Today, it seems, the devil decided to take early morning traffic.

Succubus

I think I know who to blame for the messy saga
I am afraid Regina has gone awanger
I should have known right
She never gives up on the dight
Her mother raised her a minx
A kitten devoted to tawdry jinx
After so many parted years
Having it off with me willy-nilly

Applied Hysterics

Today, I invite you to come with me to indulge.

This one concerns one heck of a journey.

The incredible journey of laughter.

So here we go.

"A little boy opened the large old family Bible,

and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.

He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible.

He picked it up and looked at it closely.

It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago.

"Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What do you have there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered,

"I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Laughter can be healthy, non-demeaning, non-ridiculing and incredibly liberating.
That is why laughter, they say, is the best medicine.
It has the capacity to unleash physiological, psychological and spiritual benefits that most people, particularly those accustomed to the conservative lifestyle of sacred seriousness, are blissfully unaware of.
Laughter is so therapeutic. It is the perfect antidote of boredom, moodiness, stress, anxiety, anguish, depression and paranoia-- major sources of many debilitating diseases and disorders .
I am now one of those people who believe that each of us is born with the gift of laughter.
Come to think of it, apart from crying, the most universally important language of every baby is laughter.
Laughter has become a serious business all of a sudden in the über stressful, almost neurotic environment we live in. That is why comedians are laughing all the way to the bank, making brisk businesses at our expense!
My suggestion for those thinking of reinventing themselves, rejuvenating and bringing back joy and lightness into their lives is to begin by first learning to laugh, and live, all over again.
It is as simple as that.
So go on.
Dose yourself on a daily cocktail of punchlines to send yourself into the orbit of redeeming stitches.
Here is another. Enjoy!

Punishment for Missing Church
A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness.

Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade.

He landed on a rock and broke both legs.

With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed,

"O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today.

Please forgive me and grant me just one wish--make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!"

At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet:

"Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive."

You & I

Look here little fancy lady in pompity kaba and slit
This is not the season for this sort of game
Playing hard to get whilst in my arms is so lame
Admit you have helplessly fallen for me
You and I have got to submit to the power of a moment meant to be
By the way I did dream about you last night
You admitted you were in love with me all right
Chasing me you did with such vigour in the nightly act
I saw your beautiful dance on the alter of our blissful pact
The helpless moaning of unbearable satisfaction
The glint in your eyes radiating streams of adoration
That is the abiding story about You and I no words can deny

Have Your Say

In politics how long does it take from being sworn in to being sworn at?
Do African women ever ask their partners, "Honey does my bum look big?"?
Which one of these two would you rather choose: strength or happiness?
Which is the ultimate symbol of drop-dead gorgeousness, the cutie dimples of an enchanting smile or a set of sensuous hazel eyes?

I am curious. I need some answers.

The Susan Boyle Phenomenon et al

Will Ms Susan Boyle rake in enough dough to upgrade from council housing?
Did Janis Joplin get her Mercedes Benz from on high before heading there?
Will the world be speaking Putonghua, Yue or Wu 20 years from now?
Will the United States of Africa ever be more than a pipe dream?

Booby Trap

With breasts inflated as balloons
How come you walk on soily ground like the rest of us
Held down by earth's incessant pound

Pump baby pump
One day You will trade
The lowly strut For the saintly grade

Run baby run
Soon you will fly
Away
From minds that grasp your bosom to ply

Soar baby soar
Free from earth's trap
Amongst dancing stars up yonder in fervent clap

Obfuscation

In a small enterprise with a full complement of staff numbering 10, what do you consider to be the real meaning of the title:
Junior Associate Deputy Vice Foreman?
That is the official title of one of the overworked and underpaid workers.
I kid you not!