Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Guy Words vs Gal Words

I have finally come to terms with the fact, and painfully so, that my social skills need a little bit of polishing. Ouch!
I dreadfully suspect that I am one of those individuals who are nondescriptly labelled social late-bloomers, aka nerds; the socially-deviant species with an extremely high affinity for technical facts & figures and other technocratic bragging rights and appear to possess an unbearable 'book-long' knowledge about everything but absolutely nothing about street-wise social skills. Certain facts and obvious social issues which are common knowledge to almost everybody who has lived on planet earth in the last hundred years are only now creeping in on me. Lol
Come to think of it, my nerdy self has been busy trying to master the so-called ‘critical’ skills, but has, until now, been totally oblivious to the fact that social skills are the fundamental tools needed to function effectively in every facet of society.
Excellence in, for example, computational mathematics and other high-end technical skills without the relevant social skills will only lead to intellectual frustration.
One of the ‘discoveries’ I have recently made, concerns the different baskets of common vocabulary of men and women. I have all along assumed that guys and gals mean the same thing when they use the same words.
The truth is that the intentions behind the use of many words are gender-specific. Which means that, guys and gals ‘comprehend’ words differently and therefore may use similar words to convey entirely different meanings.
I am told that many managers, these days, take their time to make sure that their speeches and presentations are packed with gender-neutral terms to really get across the gender divide.
Makes me wonder if I did really 'understood' any of the conversations I ever had with any member of the opposite sex and in the same way whether they understood me the way I intended.
I really believe that the number one reason why there are so many break-ups in relationships is the way the two sexes (mis)communicate to each another.
I really hope one day someone will make a gender-specific dictionary so that guys like me can somehow understand the meaning of some of the gal-words that I hear around me.

Just this week, two ladies were heard making similar remarks about two male colleagues around the office.
They called those fine gentlemen … erhm, j.e.r.k.s!
Then it hit me that I have never heard a guy use that word before to describe a woman or another man.
I suspect that ‘jerk’ is a gal-word. One of the killer words in the female vocabulary toolbox which, in my mind, girls use to convey an idea of a low life, the lowest form of the male specie. A disgusting piece of work to the female species.
However to my male soul, that word, jerk, whatever it means, does not convey an idea of utter disgust at all. In fact I have to admit that when a woman calls a man a jerk, the picture I get is a really fine gentleman who is completely misunderstood by women. Period!
Seriously, when a gal calls a guy a jerk my mind ‘sees’ a guy that finds it difficult to understand the female psychology, but otherwise a perfectly normal chap. In my mind, any decent man can be called a jerk simply because he has not mastered the fine art of dealing with the opposite sex.
It appears to me that most of the women who resort to that term do so because of an ugly experience with a man or men.
I guess women in general have certain inherent expectations of manliness in terms of attitudes, conducts, ambitions and how men are supposed to treat a woman.
The guy who scores anything below that imaginary baseline in the head of the fairer sex is unfortunately called a jerk.

Guys on the other hand use terms like bimbo to describe some women.A bimbo is perhaps the female equivalent of a jerk. Don’t get me wrong I am only guessing. Besides, I said perhaps!When a guy calls a woman a bimbo, what goes through his mind is a sort of hare-brained creature crawling all over the place seeking for some guy to grind her good.
A materialistic woman without any values whatsoever ; a woman solely given to creature comforts without any aspirations beyond the mundane issues of life.
A bimbo is that non-wife material that hangs around the corner in different seductive poses.I really doubt that a woman understands that term in the same way as a guy does.

So guys and gals share with me the guy-words and gal-words you often use.
As a guy, I really would like the ladies to paint clearly to me, beyond the dictionary-speak, the following:
(a) what sort of guy would you call a ‘jerk’?

(b) do you always call every man who breaks up with you a ‘jerk’?

(c) what goes through your mind and body when you use that term to describe a guy?

I am so keen to learn this sort of rocket science for the purpose of self-education as well as being a mentor to others in my corner.
Please help a late bloomer!


Kwegyirba Aggrey-Orleans said...

Hmmm, this is a difficult task you have given. I personally don't think I use any gal-words. They are mainly gender neutral. What I know though is that maybe you should not only listen to the words, but also look at their facial expression and body language. You would probably get more meaning into what women really mean when they use certain words or expressions.

Pen Powder said...

Unfortunately, our female compatriots seem to have a wider and deeper dictionary of derogatory terms to describe men. I hardly see men going out of their way to coin any woman in such negativity. I am not sexist, and i apologise to all female activists in advance.

Nana Yaw Asiedu said...

In another plane, I know words used both by gals and guys, but which appear to mean different to the user depending on gender. It may create some controversy, so I will leave that thought suspended, and not court flak from my gender or the opposite ;-)

Denise said...

Interestingly Posekyre, in Jamaica to call me a 'gal' would be derogatory. While it is the patois for 'girl' or 'young woman' it is often times used in a negative way and can be one of the greatest insults used.
I think that as women we do get a bit more creative about the names we call men, and what may be used for one occasion may fail on another - less an issue of gender, and more an issue of occasion or specifics.
Alas, alas, expanding your vocab to include such terms won't necessarily improve your social skills and you would only become a rude nerd :-)

posekyere said...

Yes KAO!
I am a task master.
I realise that I need to look at the body language also. The problem I don't know how to read that either.
Somebody must simplify women foe me, please!

posekyere said...

Pen Powder, I see you know what you are talking about.
There is no doubt whatsoever that the fairer ones win hands down when it comes to trashing guys.
But then again that is the way to get back what they lack in physical strength.

posekyere said...

Yes, NY!
You are the peace maker!

posekyere said...

Ouch, Denise!
You are persuasive enough for me to become a Jamaican by choice.
Thanks for educating me on the creativity of women on the specifics and occasions in relations to the name- calling of guys.
I imagine you are supremely creative in this regard, No? Lol