National Cleavage Day 2010

National Cleavage Day is here. Again!
Today, I hear, is officially NCD.
So here is a toast to this year's 'celebration'.
What should people wear to celebrate?
Dark glasses, I say!

Advice For The Scared and The Shy

It takes just a second, two or perhaps three

• to smile
• to wink
• to wave
• to say Hi
• to hold my hand
• to squeeze a hug
• to plant a kiss
  
• to look into my eyes
• to let me know I stand a chance
• to whisper your salient point
  
• to say I love you

There are 86 400 seconds in a day and over 31 536 000 in a year.

So what are you waiting for?

You will never know until you try.

Do it now.

Contesting Realities

On this side of the political wasteland
The real unending terrain of utter depravity
Sustained purely by auspicious idealism
In a world of
Unfettered neighbourliness
Obscene warmth
Colour
Culture
Humanity
Great Friendships
Genuine selflessness
Gifts of beautiful smiles
And little else
But chronic anger
At
That side of the divide
The mundane world of the privileged
Inhabited by sub-souls devoid of ubuntu
Driven by rat race persuasions
The neo-apartheid world of heartless realism
With their
Cocooned spaces
Celebrated self-imprisonment
Emotional coldness and distances
Personalised boundaries and walls
Obscene consumerism
Incorrigible selfishness
Rotten personalities
Disdainful attitudes
Repulsive glares of wanton animosity
And mulish conformity


Having tasted the free lunch of the looted kind
They want more
And more
Now they have forgotten how to be human
How did these ordinary folks become such utter degenerates?
Letting themselves go so far
Becoming slaves in a world of no return
I dread a monumental collision of these contesting realities
Is there a way out?

Vampires

Surely posting the new eye-popping bootilicious babes
To hunkdom floor is the mischievous ploy of 2010
An engineered maze inducing twisted attractions
A dark room chemistry synthesizing sordid affections
Somebody must account for so soiled emotions
And the diminishing returns chasing scattered attentions
Send them back before the whole team is vampired dry

Tigersterone

In an attempt to explain the sordid exploits swelling around
the Tiger,one of the guys in the office blamed it on biology.
According to him high achievers and alpha males are loaded
with incredibly high levels of testosterone.
And this very same hormone dishing out the competitive advantage
is responsible for his inability to keep the cudgel in the pants.
Therefore we all must give the Tiger, the W'oo'unded one, the break.
He's just being driven bonkers by the tiger inside, you know.

Game Of Chance?

Forget about serendipity. There is more to this than meet the eyes.
What is the probability of running into the same lady, a casual acquaintance, in three different places in three days?
Whilst you are mulling over that, the first thing I noticed on each of the 'random' encounters is the lecherous stir in her eyes. The third encounter did set alarm bells in the mind.
What did I do on the third occasion? I faked a smile and move on with my business, ignoring her. But deep within I felt there was something sinister going on.
Am I being paranoid?

Ali In The Morning!

On a frank note, I am finding it incredibly difficult to post lately.
Time constraints as well as a persisting state of acute weariness are having their toll on me.
So blogging is the last thing on my mind these days. Even when the inspiration is there, the energy to write, finish and post is often absent. Judging by the high number of unpublished posts, I am surely suffering from a form of blog fatigue. Lol.
I hope that somehow my cup of tea does not become my cup of frozen tea!

I have been reading some of my posts and you simply cannot imagine how much I am embarrassed by the sheer number of errors- grammatical and otherwise.
I wonder how anybody could make sense of some of the things I wrote. I couldn't!
Clearly I am not even close to being meticulous as I thought I was. Sorry folks for all of the incoherent sentences and the misspelt words I have left on this wall. What a torture!
Will do my darnest best to write better.

The story of a secondary school friend helps me to take a lighter look and laugh at myself.
KS was good at talking the queen's language, writing it though was a brutal challenge. He was the ultimate butcher of the English language( and perhaps of all the other languages he learnt at school) because he was the type of guy who simply wrote words the way he heard them. In hindsight, I think he was dyslexic.
"Ali in the morning" was his way of writing "early in the morning"!
Enjoy your weekend!

Modernity?

An unsaintly hour tiptoeing
High
Above folksy heads
Humanity discarded
True friendship banished
Exotic options on every table
Faked sophistication
Meaningless busyness
Depravity
Vanity
Twisted motives
Cheated trust
Pretence all around
Empty smiles
Grip and grin
We crave company
In this belly of loneliness
We cry out for purpose
In this sea of mundanity
We thirst for community
Lost in our own alienation
Multitudes in maddening rush
For the very empty dreams
For which many have sold their souls
I see many standing
At obtuse attention
To the modern anthem
As they push headlong
To the place of slaughter
Bewildered dreamers
Meandering adventurers
Floating in unfamiliar spaces
Lost in the modern wilderness
Wondering aloud
We have arrived and yet we feel so lost
We have evolved and yet so unfulfilled

What About Love III

Around the corner
The sound of an approaching car
"It must be him", she mused blithely
And peeped through the windows
Heart pulsating
Mind in blissful quest
Her body
Warm
Ready for some loving
She glanced
On the wall
A clock
Ticking away
Prayerfully
The sweet perfume
Hanging watchfully
In anticipation
"Yes, I am ready", she whispered
Inhaling the love in the air
Then
Phone rings
"Honey, you wont believe the good news"
"There is this deal I have to close today"
"There is good money in it"
"I am sorry I wont be able to come right away"
"See you around midnight"
"Hope you understand"

What About Love II

The phone rings
"Yes", she answered
"It's me sweetie." He began
"Look, I have been thinking hard"
"Oooh, about what ?" She probed
"About your words last night."
"I guess there is something deep in there"
"I promise I will make it up, okay?"
"Okaaaay" she intoned warming with delight
"Henceforth you will be loved like you cannot believe it"
"Today, I will be home on time"
"See you later"

What About Love?

She says,
"I want love"
He replies
"I am always there for you in and out"
"I do my best to ensure that our needs are met"
"You go to sleep with a smile on your face"
"What then do you, woman, mean by 'What about love?'? "

A Strange Equation

Driving by a park yesterday
A grungy midgeted dude
Wholeheartedly frolicking a gorgeous dame
His caricatured hands all over the pivotal bits
Her dainty appearance spelt a chequered extraction
The nakedness of self-underestimation discernible
In the feasting eyes of the uninvited

Would You Accede?

She is 35+
Pretty faced
Good body plumage
Excellent aesthetics
A very serious professional disposition
A clinician
Unmarried
Childless
She broached the idea of making a baby with a family friend
All she wants is for the dude to do her and get her pregnant
She does not expect his involvement in future of child
Friend is seriously married with children
And willing to help by donating sperm but hesitant to do her
Like a lioness on heat she insists to be done
My take is keep away and sing to wife if she keeps pushing
Should he do a 'good Samaritan'?

By Luck Or Design Long Life Is In Her Degrees

Dude listen. And listen real well.
Research conducted by the Swedish Institute for Social Research in Stockholm point to the fact that an educated wife is the best thing any man can wish for. Lol.
The gist of this clever research is this simple: If you want to enjoy a long happy life, marry a highly educated woman. In other words go for the ones with the highest academic titles: the doctorates as in PhDs, DScs, LLDs etc. I suggest you keep a printed copy of this research for your own good. As you are aware, the sisters with strings of letters after their names will, as expected, question your audacity for even trying to ask them out. All you would have to do henceforth is shut up and hand her a copy of the research findings.
If you are unable to land any of those with the highest academic letters, at least take an aim at those with MAs, MScs,MPhils,LLMs,MEngs. Do you copy?

The second inference from the research is that you have a reasonable scientific excuse or even responsibility to ditch your current one with only a BA, BSc, BCom as soon as you land that beautiful professor.
If your current does not have anything higher than a HND, I suggest you cease talking to her altogether. You will be dead before you could say 'honey'. Unless of course you want to be placed on the endangered species list. Do you still copy?
Men in African societies, especially those of us with academic insufficiency( ie without a PhD), are socially primed to tie the knot only with women with a string of degrees or qualifications inferior to ours. This patriarchal dispensation has ensured that many of the sisters who have obtained higher degrees are ostracised and punished for being book long.
Now the floodgates have finally been opened. So hunters go for the big fish. Yeeeeeehaaaaaa!
Not only must we encourage our wives, mothers, sisters and daughters to go for the highest degrees available, we must also push them to upgrade their academic arsenals as often as is possible. Otherwise no sane man will hang around them any longer. Get that?

As for me, I am going to literally drag my sweetheart to go for that degree she has been dreaming of all this while. My reasons for opposing that pursuit are no longer valid.
After all 100 years is my minimum expectation henceforth.

Night rituals: A Summary Of A Man

After a busy day at work
Finally he is at home
He waits
Soon
Seductions prepared
Fit for metabolic tank
Caveman's chemistry
Crying for appeasement
Testosterone's appetite
Generous portions
Meat and carbohydrate
Wanton calories
Gulped down

He heads for the sofa
Grabs a newspaper to summon the god of sleep
Blissful snoring soon arrives
Diverse gears of rhythm beckoned
Pulsations of bliss echo
Soon
Alone

At last
He wanders his way to the cave
The bedroom
Her oestrogen-crafted body waiting
Soft
Curvy
Inviting
Hands reach forth
Explorations
Heated bosoms
Passions
Blissful sounds
Explosions
After the act
He turns around
The night
Now ready to receive him
The work is done
Another day ahead

Succubus

I think I know who to blame for the messy saga
I am afraid Regina has gone awanger
I should have known right
She never gives up on the dight
Her mother raised her a minx
A kitten devoted to tawdry jinx
After so many parted years
Having it off with me willy-nilly

What The Choker Taught Me

Life, it appears to me, has incredible, sometimes strange, ways of reminding us of the lessons hidden deep within our hearts and minds.
Years ago, a bosom school friend demonstrated the classic signs of a choker! The type who will brag exceedingly and talk about his incredible bravado in the presence of his mates but run for cover at the very first sign of a challenge.
The challenge in his case was the love of a girl: telling a girl that he really liked her. Lol.
The most popular girl in the neighbourhood had manifested an interest in him.
Obviously blown away by the charming beauty of the girl, the otherwise brilliant chap begun to act like a wimp. He was the classic case of an emotional retard in the company of girls.
Whenever we were in the company of this particular girl, he would chicken out and become helplessly dumbfounded not uttering a single word until the girl was gone.
The poor guy's behaviour was completely unexpected, unreasonable and perplexing in the utmost. We, his friends, were baffled by his strange fear.
As much as we tried to coach him to go for the kill, the poor chap could never bring himself to say anything meaningful to the girl.
Instead, he would brag about the blooming love between himself and the maiden to every one of us, his buddies, who cared to listen.
Even though the girl did everything possible to encourage him to step forth, he could simply not overcome his fears.
As is always the case, before he could muster the courage to open his mouth, another neighbourhood dude had stolen his thunder and his prey.

Last night, life brought me a 'sankofa' moment.
I was talking to another friend on the phone and he talked about this friend. And all of a sudden the events I have narrated above begun to flood my mind. Then I remembered something. The behaviour of this friend taught me a great lesson in life about the importance of taking risk.

Fear is the undoing of many people.
The fear of rejection, of ridicule, of failure, of the unfamiliar ... continue to keep many good souls by the way side far from the very best.
As much as is possible I will continue to live my life in such a way that I will be able to grab every opportunity and chance, that come my way, with both hands.

A belly full of regrets is not something I wish to entertain at any point in life.
So I am reminding myself again today to strike while the iron is hot.
And Whilst at it to do so with a good measure of a killer instinct .
That, I believe, is a promise worth keeping to oneself!

Let Your Woman Blossom Right By Your Side

It comes as no surprise that the fearless women of South Africa were the ones who on August 9, 1956 took the bold initiative to march peacefully to Parliament to protest against the pass laws of the apartheid regime.
Under the apartheid regime, any action of similar nature by the men folk would have provoked a bloodbath by the police and security forces.
In commemoration of that historic step by the women folk, August 9 is Women’s Day in South Africa.
This year’s fell on a Sunday (yesterday), so today, Monday, is a national holiday. Having had the moment to reflect, today really feels like an opportunity to give honour to whom honour is due - the beautiful daughters of Africa.
So here goes a tribute to all women everywhere.

W.O.M.A.N
Beautiful
Colourful
Loving
Caring
Selfless
Ageless
Sacrificial
Special
Devoted
Spirited
Courageous
Mysterious . . .

Love and cherish a woman and she will sparkle as a gem, blossom as a flower, beam with affection so pure and enrich your world like no other creature on God’s earth.
Empower and stand by a woman today to unleash her potential and tomorrow you will be blown away by her entrepreneurial, explosive, passionate and raring fortitude.

Welcome to the marvellous world of the faceless warriors
by whose succour streams of nations continue to be fed, by whose enterprise the fires of countless families keep burning, by whose devotion sanity prevails in many a man’s heart, by whose sacrifice rolls of incredible achievements have been attained, by whose wisdom thousands of wars have been stopped, by whose love effortless smiles adorn the faces of countless generations.
All around me, I see wonderful women doing great exploits by themselves for themselves, their friends and families.
There are only a few moments in a man’s that are as satisfying as watching, from behind the scenes, the woman he loves thriving in the world of work, fulfilling her passion.

Let us, as husbands, lovers, fathers, brothers or sons, remember to honour our women with showers of unconditional love and while at it, encourage and support them to find their own ways, discover their unique strengths and pursue their own precious dreams.

Let us celebrate our women: our wives, our mothers, our sisters, our daughters, our beautiful treasures.

Happy woman’s Day to you all, our beautiful flowers!

Guy Words vs Gal Words

I have finally come to terms with the fact, and painfully so, that my social skills need a little bit of polishing. Ouch!
I dreadfully suspect that I am one of those individuals who are nondescriptly labelled social late-bloomers, aka nerds; the socially-deviant species with an extremely high affinity for technical facts & figures and other technocratic bragging rights and appear to possess an unbearable 'book-long' knowledge about everything but absolutely nothing about street-wise social skills. Certain facts and obvious social issues which are common knowledge to almost everybody who has lived on planet earth in the last hundred years are only now creeping in on me. Lol
Come to think of it, my nerdy self has been busy trying to master the so-called ‘critical’ skills, but has, until now, been totally oblivious to the fact that social skills are the fundamental tools needed to function effectively in every facet of society.
Excellence in, for example, computational mathematics and other high-end technical skills without the relevant social skills will only lead to intellectual frustration.
One of the ‘discoveries’ I have recently made, concerns the different baskets of common vocabulary of men and women. I have all along assumed that guys and gals mean the same thing when they use the same words.
The truth is that the intentions behind the use of many words are gender-specific. Which means that, guys and gals ‘comprehend’ words differently and therefore may use similar words to convey entirely different meanings.
I am told that many managers, these days, take their time to make sure that their speeches and presentations are packed with gender-neutral terms to really get across the gender divide.
Makes me wonder if I did really 'understood' any of the conversations I ever had with any member of the opposite sex and in the same way whether they understood me the way I intended.
I really believe that the number one reason why there are so many break-ups in relationships is the way the two sexes (mis)communicate to each another.
I really hope one day someone will make a gender-specific dictionary so that guys like me can somehow understand the meaning of some of the gal-words that I hear around me.


Just this week, two ladies were heard making similar remarks about two male colleagues around the office.
They called those fine gentlemen … erhm, j.e.r.k.s!
Then it hit me that I have never heard a guy use that word before to describe a woman or another man.
I suspect that ‘jerk’ is a gal-word. One of the killer words in the female vocabulary toolbox which, in my mind, girls use to convey an idea of a low life, the lowest form of the male specie. A disgusting piece of work to the female species.
However to my male soul, that word, jerk, whatever it means, does not convey an idea of utter disgust at all. In fact I have to admit that when a woman calls a man a jerk, the picture I get is a really fine gentleman who is completely misunderstood by women. Period!
Seriously, when a gal calls a guy a jerk my mind ‘sees’ a guy that finds it difficult to understand the female psychology, but otherwise a perfectly normal chap. In my mind, any decent man can be called a jerk simply because he has not mastered the fine art of dealing with the opposite sex.
It appears to me that most of the women who resort to that term do so because of an ugly experience with a man or men.
I guess women in general have certain inherent expectations of manliness in terms of attitudes, conducts, ambitions and how men are supposed to treat a woman.
The guy who scores anything below that imaginary baseline in the head of the fairer sex is unfortunately called a jerk.


Guys on the other hand use terms like bimbo to describe some women.A bimbo is perhaps the female equivalent of a jerk. Don’t get me wrong I am only guessing. Besides, I said perhaps!When a guy calls a woman a bimbo, what goes through his mind is a sort of hare-brained creature crawling all over the place seeking for some guy to grind her good.
A materialistic woman without any values whatsoever ; a woman solely given to creature comforts without any aspirations beyond the mundane issues of life.
A bimbo is that non-wife material that hangs around the corner in different seductive poses.I really doubt that a woman understands that term in the same way as a guy does.

So guys and gals share with me the guy-words and gal-words you often use.
As a guy, I really would like the ladies to paint clearly to me, beyond the dictionary-speak, the following:
(a) what sort of guy would you call a ‘jerk’?

(b) do you always call every man who breaks up with you a ‘jerk’?

(c) what goes through your mind and body when you use that term to describe a guy?

I am so keen to learn this sort of rocket science for the purpose of self-education as well as being a mentor to others in my corner.
Please help a late bloomer!

You & I

Look here little fancy lady in pompity kaba and slit
This is not the season for this sort of game
Playing hard to get whilst in my arms is so lame
Admit you have helplessly fallen for me
You and I have got to submit to the power of a moment meant to be
By the way I did dream about you last night
You admitted you were in love with me all right
Chasing me you did with such vigour in the nightly act
I saw your beautiful dance on the alter of our blissful pact
The helpless moaning of unbearable satisfaction
The glint in your eyes radiating streams of adoration
That is the abiding story about You and I no words can deny